my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
