There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
