that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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