He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
In America we eat man semen.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
