she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
