Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
