Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
