My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
