Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
