Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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