I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You have to summon your inner elephant
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
