Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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