Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
