Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
