Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
