Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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