i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
