White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's never too late to be topless.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
