It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
