how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
