I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
