4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
