Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I could fuck to npr.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
