there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
