Tell her she can't have a vagina
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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