Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
