Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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