Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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