I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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