Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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