So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
