i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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