Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
