what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
