did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
