Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
