Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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