I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
