careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
