Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
