This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
