It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
