So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
