I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
