I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Randomize
