I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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