She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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