I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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