Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
