I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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