bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
